Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
high people should be assigned attendants
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Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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