Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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