Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
