Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
