She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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