The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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