I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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