My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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