i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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