Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
