Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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