Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
A bitchslap is in order.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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