he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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