yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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