I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
