my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
