it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize