is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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