The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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