awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
