I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
