8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
