i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
