he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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