Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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