it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
