He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
this boner is exhausting
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
