I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
