In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The adults are the big ones right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
