there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize