Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
