Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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