So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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