did you get engaged???
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
