Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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