While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize