Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
