I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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