I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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