I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
