there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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