I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
