I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
