I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
