So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
