Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
