tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
