I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
