No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
