so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
