I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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