I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
