after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
