you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I bet he comes in French.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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