So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
