i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
