Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
