im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
