I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
