eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I party with great urgency now.
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