i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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