Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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