Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
